the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize