Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
