Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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