; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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