return my video game
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
