her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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