when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize