It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So much rum. So many feels.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
