I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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