Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Your mouth is God's brothel.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
