I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
