Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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