peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
