I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
