her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
How's work?
Spinning.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
