tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
