I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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