this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
