I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize