I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
