Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
