sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
