i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
