What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
