i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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