omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My life is pants optional.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
