She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize