...so i touched it.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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