the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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