Need sex. Gaining weight.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
