I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Two words: blizzard sex
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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