That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
