I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just found a bag of teeth...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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