I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
