I'm drive I can fine osifer
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
