I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
