the day after is always just damage control
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
