Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
