and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize