Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
