is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
