Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
