SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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