So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
