My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize