people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
