so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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