You're so nebulous sometimes
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
