wrigley field is MILF paradise
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
