you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
