i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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