He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
