you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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