Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
