awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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