oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
