I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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