bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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