I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
