I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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