So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
