Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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