you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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