I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize