Define "chronic" masturbator.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
God, I missed his penis.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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