Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
