remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
