CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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