then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
