C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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