are you so shy because you have an std?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
