I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
