last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
